The Secret to Being A Great Friend

Everyone Needs Friends

Why did Jesus make friends? We know that He did. People flocked to Him. Some people did hate Him and eventually almost everyone left Him before His death, but He certainly made many friends during His ministry.

Perhaps the word "friend" is not the best description of His followers, but try telling people like Zacchaeus in Luke 19 that Jesus was not a friend to him. Try telling that to Lazarus, Martha, and Mary. Try telling the 9,000 people He fed on those two occasions that Jesus was not their friend. Try telling that to the "inner three" (Peter, James, and John). Friend? Oh, He was much more than that, but the world never saw such a friend as Jesus!

As you study the Bible you will notice that Jesus was a people-person. You could almost always find Him around other people teaching, ministering, and spending time developing relationships. He did not build these friendships in order to take from them. He did it in order to serve others. He Himself said that He "did not come to be served but to serve" and to "give His life a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:28).

Consider how we can apply the Master's example to our own lives.

Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." The word "consider" is from a compound Greek word. Part of the word means "to perceive with the mind." The other part is a modifier that denotes intensity. In other words, we are to carefully consider how we can encourage others to express love and do good things.

Relatedly, 1 Peter 3:8 tells us to be compassionate toward others. "Compassion" means to share the suffering of others. It implies an emotional and a mental connection between people. In order to properly be compassionate, I need to understand what people are experiencing. The same is true for showing people consideration in stirring up love and good works.

If I do not know a person, I cannot properly show that person compassion. I can show pity, but that is not technically the same as compassion. People resent pity, but they appreciate compassion.

So if I want to help someone, I need to take the time to get to know them first. Let me tell you from personal experience that if you wait until someone is in need to try to get to know them, you will miss many opportunities to serve. People trust who they know. If they do not know you and you do not know them, they will usually not trust you to help and any help offered may be considered more of an intrusion than a help.

This is the secret to being a great friend: Make friends with the goal of serving them.

Sooner or later people will need a friend. If I am close to them and the opportunity arises I can be like Jesus and serve them with what they need. This is both an honor and a privilege to a friend. Another advantage to getting to know others is that when you need a friend (and we all do eventually) you will have one!

It might seem odd to some of you to talk about how to be a friend, but this is a skill many do not develop. Many people are selfish. They only seek friends for what they can get out of them. These people find only loneliness and the only "friends" they have are those who help from pity and not compassion.

Why do you have friends?

Be sure to build your friendships so that one day you will have the opportunity to be of service to them in some way. This is the heart of the "second greatest commandment" - love your neighbor as yourself.

I am grateful that Jesus came to serve. He taught me how to do it. I am glad that He was a friend to others. He taught me what a true friend is.


Meditate upon Proverbs 18:1 sometime: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment."

The Heart of Temptation

Jesus was tempted to turn stone to bread

Who better to learn from than Jesus about how to win against temptation? This Man lived a life of perfection! Second Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus "knew no sin". Obviously the Man knew what sin was, but He never experienced sin. As difficult as that is to imagine, our salvation is based on that fact!

In Matthew 4:1-11, Mark 1:12-13, and Luke 4:1-13 the Holy Spirit gave fantastic insight into the struggle against sin. We see the incredible scriptural insight Jesus possessed. We see a perfect example for dealing with sin. Who does not need such lessons?

Consider these facts about the first of those three temptations:

The Tempter Appealed to Legitimate Need

Jesus needed food. Have we not used legitimate needs to excuse sin?

• I need to fit in, so I must...
• I need to have friends, so I must...
• I need to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, so I must...
• I need a job, so I must...

The Tempter Appealed to Something Small

We often think Satan will use the "big sins" to tempt us. But he knows that if he can convince us that the "little sins" don't matter, it is much easier to entrap us. All he needs is for us to sin. The "size" of the sin does not matter. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). The first temptation of Jesus was turning a stone to bread. No one would know. It was for a good cause (self-preservation). It was a very minor thing.

The Tempter Appealed to Distrust

What we fail to realize sometimes is that Jesus lived by faith in His Father. He did not have a magical pass on sin. He was tempted just as we are (Hebrews 4:15). The only way he overcame was by faith. This was God's design for all His followers. Habakkuk 2:4 tells us that the just will live by faith. If we make it to Heaven, it will only be through our faith in God.

The Savior Saw Himself

The temptation was not about food. It was about faith. He did answer with a verse that mentioned bread, but that verse was not about bread either! It was also about faith. Jesus understood the temptation because He understood Himself. 

Jesus could easily have answered Satan with Genesis 3:19 where we are told that "in the sweat of your face you shall eat bread" meaning that there must be labor for the food we eat. He could have said He would not "cheat" this process by performing a miracle. But He did not say it. 

He could have mentioned something about eating the "bread of wickedness" mentioned in Proverbs 4:17, or other such passages. He could have quoted Proverbs 25:27, "It is not good to eat much honey. So to seek one's own glory is not glory." These could be applied to some degree to the appeal for bread. But Jesus understood the heart of the matter because He understood Himself and what the temptation appealed to inside Himself.

The verse that He quoted in defense shows the true heart of the temptation. He quoted from Deuteronomy 8. In that passage Moses was recounting the experiences of Israel in their years of wandering in the wilderness. He reminded them that God caused them to wander for 40 years, but also that He provided all the food and water they needed. He even ensured that their clothes and shoes did not wear out. God intended for them to learn a lesson--and that lesson was the same lesson Jesus understood. Man does not live by bread alone. We are sustained not by the physical but by God. Jesus was not about to misuse His gifts in order to feed Himself. He trusted in His Father to take care of Him.

How often we misunderstand the schemes of Satan! Underlying any temptation is a reason for it. There is a weakness. There is a natural inclination. There is some subtle desire that is trying to manifest itself. Or perhaps there is ignorance and naivety. Unless we understand WHY we are tempted, we will only treat the symptom and not the disease. When we understand ourselves, then we will understand how to combat our temptations. We need to ask ourselves the difficult questions and find out WHY. 

The Savior Saw the Answer

It was no accident that He quoted the verse He quoted. Jesus knew the scheme was to tempt Him into doubting the Father's provisions. He knew that the Scriptures taught a lesson about that very topic, and He saw that the answer was provided very clearly. That is because Jesus knew the Bible.

If we want to understand how to resist Satan then we must know and understand the Bible. If Jesus had not learned that lesson by understanding the Scriptures, He would not have had the ability to stand against Satan's scheme. He would not have even understood the issue.

We must understand, not just know what it states. As mentioned before, there were other passages that could have been used to some level of success. But Jesus chose the perfect instructions because of the perfect understanding of the situation.

We are not perfect, but with practice we can understand what the real issue is and also learn what God states about that issue.

Practical Application

Scenario 1:

A young man is tempted to look at pornography. Until he comes to grips with WHY he wants to look, he will not understand how to fight against it. 

• Perhaps he does not respect women because he was taught (by various methods) that women are to be treated as objects instead of human beings. 
• Perhaps he is curious about sexuality and innocently thinks pornography will give him a realistic view of it.
• Perhaps he feels lonely and wants to reach out to women but is afraid.
• Perhaps he lacks faith in God to provide for his physical needs and is seeking ways to meet those needs in his own way.

In each circumstance above, that young man would face that temptation differently. There is not a "one-size-fits-all" answer to the temptation for looking at pornography because the reasons for the temptations vary. Of course, we know that looking at pornography sinful. But quoting verses that condemn the practice is not necessarily the best way to combat it.

Scenario 2:

A young girl is temped to have sex before she is married. Why would she be tempted?

• She might want to fit in with her friends who are sexually active.
• She might fear losing her boyfriend.
• She might want a taste of danger to get back at her parents for perceived wrongs.
• She might want to ease an emotional pain by falling into the arms of one who "loves" her.
• She might want to feel attractive.

Each answer above has different roots.

Bottom Line

Ultimately temptations come down to one thing: Faith. We either trust God and do things His way or we trust ourselves and do things our own way. The young man in Scenario 1 must face this. He must learn to trust God's reasoning in creating women. Studying Genesis 2 would help. He must trust God's directives for sexuality and wait until marriage to have his curiosity resolved. Reading and memorizing the passages that condemn uncleanness and fornication would help him (Hebrews 13:4, et al). He must learn to seek out company in proper ways, which can be reinforced by understanding the Song of Solomon, Proverbs, or other passages. He must learn to trust God to provide for his needs in God's own time-frame.

Similarly, for the young woman, she needs to learn what true friendship is by reading Proverbs. She needs to trust God to fulfill her life, not a boyfriend. She must learn that to be forgiven she must first learn to forgive (Matthew 6:14-15). She must learn to go to God for healing of emotional pain by understanding passages like 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 and other passages. She must learn that inner beauty is greater than outer beauty (Proverbs 31:30).

Until the problem is understood the solution is guess-work. These brief excursions into some of the motives we face for just one type of sin should show us the extreme difficulty any of us have in fighting off temptations. The good news is, however, that God has made us a promise. We can trust this fact. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted. but with the temptation will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Jesus Christ: Playmaker

How do you think Jesus interacted with others? Did He smile all the time? Did He laugh a lot? Was He always sullen and isolated?

The Bible teaches that Jesus was one who loved people. He loved them hypothetically and abstractly, but He also showed love through practical means. He would be the kind of person others enjoyed being around. One of the false charges thrown against Him was that He was a drunkard and a glutton (Matthew 11:20). They charged Him with such because of His behavior. He spent time with people. He was probably gregarious and outgoing. I'm not suggesting that Jesus went around playing practical jokes or causing trouble, but He was far from a sour-faced isolationist.


Jesus was a hearty man. He was robust, daring, full of vigor and zeal. He was strong. He was brave. He was fully capable of doing the unexpected. He loved life and pursued it graciously, respectfully, and vigorously. I think He gave bear hugs to friends until they thought their ribs would crack. He was like the uncle who loved to tease his nephews, or the rugged pioneer who fearlessly set out to explore. He was a go-to man, a marathon runner, a playmaker. 


I am painting a picture. Sure He was a man of sorrows, but He also had a zest for life! I don't know exactly how He acted each day, but I do know that He had that kind of demeanor. I know that because of 2 Peter 1:5. In this passage, Peter is telling us how to partake of the Divine nature mentioned in verse 4. If we want to be like God, then we should act like God! And how does God act? Peter said that part of the Divine nature is virtue.

"Virue" is translated from a word that literally means manliness. That's not to suggest that women should try to be more manly. The use of the word, according to Vincent's Word Studies, denotes "energy...translating into vigorous action."It is a zest for living, a zest for true life that we are to possess.

Would your faith be called full of energy and zest?

How do we possess virtue in that sense? Here are four ideas for your consideration.

1. Have confidence in the faith. That may sound like an oxymoron, but it is not if you see "faith" as the body of doctrine taught in the Scriptures. (See Ephesians 4:5.) Have confidence that you are following the Word of Life and that by following the doctrines of the Word, you will save yourself and any who listen to you (1 Timothy 4:16). (At the same time, if you are not following the faith that comes from the Bible, you have no reason to be confident!)

2. Choose to see through faith, not fear. Faith is not a blind acceptance of some hoped-for reality. I am not suggesting that anyone should put on blinders and refuse to see reality for what it is. That's not faith but insanity. What I am suggesting is that we look at the Bible and see things from THAT perspective. Faith comes by the word of God (Romans 10:17), not by the whims of fictitious hope. When God tells us something will come about, we must trust His word on the matter. So choosing to see through faith means that we trust that God knows what He is talking about. We must trust in Him and have confidence that He knows what He is doing and that He will bring about what is best for those who love Him. That means that even death itself can be seen as a victory!

3. Think of others. The best way to depress yourself is to think of yourself exclusively. Ironically, selfishness harms you. The only way to truly have a robust life is to give that life in service to the Lord (Mark 8:35).

4. Hang around zestful people. One man said, "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you hang around a bunch of turkeys." Your peers influence you. Seek out people who are ALIVE!

If virtue is an attribute of Divinity, how do you suppose Jesus expressed that?
How can you express the same character in your own life?

Are You Living?

The question of life has puzzled scientists and philosophers alike. We are alive and we know that we are alive. We can describe life and explain what it is like, but isn't that a little unnecessary? The only ones who would be able to receive, comprehend, or appreciate a full explanation for life are already alive. Because of this fact, many people might be tempted not to consider anything written about it. But there is good reason to discuss life. Not everyone alive is living!

Not everyone alive is living. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “The thief comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come that they might have life and that they may have it more abundantly.” Jesus came to give life to living humans. No contradiction is intended.

John 1:4-5 tells us, “In [Jesus] was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” Jesus came to a world of darkness and brought light. He came into a world of mere existence and brought life.

Many people seem to think that living life "to the fullest" requires living in danger. Others seem to think that it requires living for self and for pleasure. Jesus taught us that if we want to live life the way it was intended, we do it by looking into and understanding the light of life. We live by understanding and following the life and teachings of Jesus. 

Those of us who profess faith in Christ should know this, but we often have trouble making application of what we know. We have trouble seeing through the ironies of Christianity. As we reflect upon the life and teachings of Jesus, my hope is that you will be able to see more clearly what life is about. From that, I hope to encourage you to live.