The Secret to Being A Great Friend

Everyone Needs Friends

Why did Jesus make friends? We know that He did. People flocked to Him. Some people did hate Him and eventually almost everyone left Him before His death, but He certainly made many friends during His ministry.

Perhaps the word "friend" is not the best description of His followers, but try telling people like Zacchaeus in Luke 19 that Jesus was not a friend to him. Try telling that to Lazarus, Martha, and Mary. Try telling the 9,000 people He fed on those two occasions that Jesus was not their friend. Try telling that to the "inner three" (Peter, James, and John). Friend? Oh, He was much more than that, but the world never saw such a friend as Jesus!

As you study the Bible you will notice that Jesus was a people-person. You could almost always find Him around other people teaching, ministering, and spending time developing relationships. He did not build these friendships in order to take from them. He did it in order to serve others. He Himself said that He "did not come to be served but to serve" and to "give His life a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:28).

Consider how we can apply the Master's example to our own lives.

Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." The word "consider" is from a compound Greek word. Part of the word means "to perceive with the mind." The other part is a modifier that denotes intensity. In other words, we are to carefully consider how we can encourage others to express love and do good things.

Relatedly, 1 Peter 3:8 tells us to be compassionate toward others. "Compassion" means to share the suffering of others. It implies an emotional and a mental connection between people. In order to properly be compassionate, I need to understand what people are experiencing. The same is true for showing people consideration in stirring up love and good works.

If I do not know a person, I cannot properly show that person compassion. I can show pity, but that is not technically the same as compassion. People resent pity, but they appreciate compassion.

So if I want to help someone, I need to take the time to get to know them first. Let me tell you from personal experience that if you wait until someone is in need to try to get to know them, you will miss many opportunities to serve. People trust who they know. If they do not know you and you do not know them, they will usually not trust you to help and any help offered may be considered more of an intrusion than a help.

This is the secret to being a great friend: Make friends with the goal of serving them.

Sooner or later people will need a friend. If I am close to them and the opportunity arises I can be like Jesus and serve them with what they need. This is both an honor and a privilege to a friend. Another advantage to getting to know others is that when you need a friend (and we all do eventually) you will have one!

It might seem odd to some of you to talk about how to be a friend, but this is a skill many do not develop. Many people are selfish. They only seek friends for what they can get out of them. These people find only loneliness and the only "friends" they have are those who help from pity and not compassion.

Why do you have friends?

Be sure to build your friendships so that one day you will have the opportunity to be of service to them in some way. This is the heart of the "second greatest commandment" - love your neighbor as yourself.

I am grateful that Jesus came to serve. He taught me how to do it. I am glad that He was a friend to others. He taught me what a true friend is.


Meditate upon Proverbs 18:1 sometime: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment."